i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
