My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
