My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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