So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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