Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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