I just threw up on my dentist
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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