I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
