I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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