Duck Duck Cougar?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just cropdusted the office
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is the high leading the old right now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
