happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
