The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i think im in europe. pls send help
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
