Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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