This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
