dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
