Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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