You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
