so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
