I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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