i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
