yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
