I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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