i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
