Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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