He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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