last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
