3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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