He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
