is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
