like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
