I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
