So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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