With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
