real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
