he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
