does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your dad touched me again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
