I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
