A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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