evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
