Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
