it's too hot outside to masturbate.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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