Screwed.edu
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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