Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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