I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
