I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
