Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This house was built for laser tag.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
