You can't special order awesome
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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