so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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