Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
