Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
