i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
