READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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