i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
