you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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