you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This house was built for laser tag.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
