he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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