Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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