You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
