i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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